• Cara-Lee Compton

Stop saying you're sorry.

Coming from the biggest 'sorry sayer' out there, one of my personal missions for 2020 is to stop apologising for my existence. Here's why...

Let's get right into it. Saying sorry, for some unknown reason, give people the idea that you are weak. It creates a space for people to use your kindness and accommodating personality to their advantage. I know this sounds next level cynical, but out of personal experience, I can confirm that it is unfortunately true.

'Apologising personality disorder' can also be directly contradicted to narcissism, the type of personality that will never apologise. For most people with apologetic personalities, it might show an underlying issue, such as anxiety or depression. Research show that people constantly saying they're 'sorry' do it because they feel whatever they just did or just said, could've and should've been better. I have basically just summarized a part of myself - I say sorry if I'm too loud or if I get angry or if my opinion is coming on too strong - I even say sorry when I am right, just to make sure the other person knows I am still being 'humble' and 'a nice person'.

I started to realise this personality trait and the bad side of it recently, especially in the work environment. I have always thought that it was part of me striving to be a good person, a strong woman that still knew her place in society. I thought that if I regularly said 'sorry', that people would go 'she's polite, we like her'. Tough love sister, that's not the case.

So - I decided that I won't necessarily stop being accommodative, but that I'd rather stop being apologetic. There is nothing to apologise for except when you were wrong and when you messed up. If you are in someone's way, just move. If you talk too loud, adjust your volume to an inside voice. If you are upset, rant. If you cry, cry whether you have ugly-cry-face or not. If you do not know the answer to something, just say it. You can do all of this without saying the word 'sorry' once, or five times in my case.

The world needs people, especially women, who take their rightful place and fight the good fight without feeling like they have to dim their lights just to be less intimidating. You shine your damn light and you do NOT apologise for that. I remember the words of our beautiful Miss Universe, Zozi, every day: "Nothing is as important as taking up space in society and cementing yourself". Take up space - take it all. You are just as qualified and adequate to own all the space you have worked for. Secondly, cement yourself. Be a massive statue if you please, unmovable and unwilling to be 'sorry' because there you are, strong and powerful and great. Be amazing and kind, loving and bold, but DON'T be sorry!