Fixing our crowns
"Real queens fix each other's crowns". A phrase that perfectly coined what has been heavy on my heart for years - for as long as I can remember. In essence: Girls not being happy for other girls, women despising the achievements of their fellow sisters and ladies letting men win just so their "besties" wouldn't. Uggg, I know, so dark and depressing, but I promise to turn that frown upside down, just let me do my thing for a moment...
So, yes, I said it. Girls can just be straight up meanies. The worst part of it all was coming to university, and seeing bits and pieces of what's going on in the work environment, and realising that it NEVER changes. How is it possible, ladies, that we never outgrow this?
In primary school there were constant fights about who plays what position on the netball team, who fulfills the role of being captain, and who gets to be head girl. Primary school! Looking back at it, who on earth actually cared. I cannot imagine anyone having any of that on her CV? Only emotional scars and bad memories of friends that hurt you and moms that were a bit... hectic.
Then came highschool, and was that a mess. The "who you know" and "how much money you have" kind of people that took the joy of being a child and a teenager from you. Let's be honest, every school had, has, those. Yet again achievements of any sort were scrutinised and pulled apart. Nothing good that came anyone's way was apparently deserved.
Then - university. A time of my life I was hoping would be different. A time where you could just be yourself and whatever opportunities would come your way, would be celebrated and acknowledged as the fruits of hard work. To be fair, I've made some amazing friends through my university journey that have cried with me, cheered me on and celebrated every goal I've reached and dream I've realised. However, to this day I find that women cannot get it over their hearts to be happy for others. It is a phenomenon that goes far beyond my capacity to comprehend. I am obviously generalising to some extent and apologise profusely if you are one of those cheer-on-champs, but I have to talk about this, because I believe it is creating massive issues in all of our girl-gangs. Even in the workplace there's a phenomenon called the 'Queen Bee Syndrome', where women in higher positions bully women working under them.
"This manifests in ways that can have lasting impact on individual careers and entire organizations. Queen Bees are adult versions of the mean girls from school—but now they have grown up and are more calculating. These socially aggressive behaviours include gossiping, social exclusion, social isolation, social alienation, talking about someone, and stealing friends or romantic partners,” says Cecilia Harvey, a London-based consultant.
As I am writing this, I am no longer sad about this kind of behaviour. I am angry. Angry that we allow ourselves to be so consumed by our own wants and needs that we cannot see great things happening to our girlfriends and truly share that joy with them. We twist stories and become sour at the thought of another lady taking the lead and making her own way.
Today, dearest powerful woman, I really want us to do some introspection. What are we busy with? Are we breaking or are we building? Are we gossiping or are we cheering? Are we hating or are we CONGRATULATING?
Men are beating us, sadly in more ways than one. Support a sister and back your pack. It is so crucial to the success of US as women in this tough world!