It took be a while to write this blog, because of exams, but also because it is not easy for me to talk about this. Okay it's not THAT dramatic, but it is hard.
This blog is about my forever weight-struggles. Buckle up.
2017 was a very difficult year for me. A lot of things happened that drastically changed how I envisioned my future and what I dreamed about - not all bad though! One thing that was good in 2017, was that I was the "skinniest" that I ever was in my life. I put skinniest in quotation marks because, I realise I'll never be 'skinny' per se, I was just in the best shape I had ever been, and for the first time in my life I was content with how I looked. I know it still looks like I could kick start a boeing with my legs, but that is never changing, so I might as well make my peace with it!
The significance of this time in my life was that I had made the choice to look this way. For the first time ever, I did not only draw up diets and talked about the changes I was going to make, I actually made that choice everyday. Every meal was a healthy one, with a treat here and there (no binges), no alcohol and exercising like it was my last athletics season in school. I was pulling tires, up hill, while sprinting. Ya' girl was a bit crazy. I also had an ulcer which unfortunately contributed in the sense that I was not always super hungry and egg was the only thing I could stomach some days. I however only realised this later on.
"So what happened Cara, cake got to you?" Yes. And no. In 2018 I drastically picked up weight, which I could not really explain. I did not go on some binge or 'let me ruin my healthy life' trip. I had everything tested, my thyroid, my bloodsugar - EVERYTHING. I then tried hormone treatment, desperately seeking a way to regain my baywatch-bod. Some days I looked like a puffer fish with all the water retention that was going on! The hormone pills made literally everything worse! This entire vicious cycle carried on until recently. I would lose weight, then FIND it again.
So recently, I was looking at this photo, and I just realised how much I wanted that again. Buying any piece of clothing and knowing that it will fit. Wearing shorts and not worrying about all the jiggles. Having a four-pack and one tiny roll (still getting to a six pack). It was amazing. For the first time in my life I felt like a 'small' girl, you know, not the bulky 'athletic build' I always identified as. I want that again, for myself!
I made that decision today (again), and I will keep making it every other day. It is not easy, I know, girl/ woman reading this. It is to extremely tough. I just look at a chocolate, and oh how I love chocolate, and I pick up weight. For now I just want to find a balance. Hard work throughout the week - a lot more fruit and veggies, chicken and fish, less rye bread and a lot less refined sugar, and ONE small treat over the weekend. I don't want to deprive myself to the point where I hate the process. There is enough dark chocolate in this world to satisfy that craving.
My health has always been connected to my happiness. I owe myself this happiness, and I know rewarding my body will have my body rewarding me!
I trust you all will hold me accountable throughout this process.
Please share your transformation story with me, or the story you're dreaming about.